A breakup can be incredibly painful. You can cry and grief for days, week, months... sometimes even years. I get you. You have invested so much into this relationship and now it all fell apart. All you feel you are left with is a broken heart... At the moment you may not be able to see how you will ever get over this, but here are a few pearls of wisdom to help you start your inner journey to heal your broken heart and glue all those broken pieces back together.

#1 Clear your life from items that trigger painful memories of your breakup

Throughout your relationship you and your ex have exchanged lots of things that have created a lot of tangible memories. Think of photos you have framed on your wall, souvenirs you bought for each when you went on a trip, the jewellery he bought you or the shirt she got you. Really it can be anything that he or she gave you throughout the relationship.

During your relationship, these objects were meant to create happy tangible memories. Each of these objects were a way of showing the appreciation of your partner in your life. But now, after the breakup, these objects are only painful reminders of your past together.

It’s time to remove these objects from your life. Give back the items that you received from your ex that no longer serve you with happy thoughts. Throw away or sell the things that you no longer need or return it to your ex if he or she wants it back. Remove all pictures you have displayed in your personal space. Delete pictures or videos of you two on all social media platforms. If you still live with your ex, move out or let your ex move out ASAP. Being in each others space after a breakup will only make the healing process far more difficult than necessary.

painful memories emotional pain after breakup

You don’t need this stress, this pain, this grief in your life. The longer you wait to get rid of these physical things that remind you of your ex, the more difficult it will be to process the breakup on an emotional level and the more difficult it will be for you to move on. This clearing may seem a bit drastic but it is very important to clear your life from your ex in order to create space for something and someone better to enter. Just do whatever you need to do in order to remove all painful memories of your relationship.


#2 Avoid contact with your ex after your breakup until you are non-attached & emotionally free


Disconnect from your ex - avoid contact - Happy Conscious LivingWhen you guys recently broke up and the breakup is still very fresh and painful, it is very tempting to keep texting, calling or even seeing your ex. However, this is the worst thing you can do to yourself. You are only making it more difficult for yourself to process the pain and grief of this breakup.

Calling, texting and seeing each other happened perhaps on a daily basis when you were still together. It has become part of your daily routine. For as long as the relationship lasted, you and your ex were in closest contact with each other. The more you were in touch with each other, the more difficult it will be to avoid all contact.

It will feel as if there is a huge gap in your life. But it is imperative for your healing to avoid all possible contact with your ex until you no longer feel emotionally attached to your ex. Don’t be afraid of this emptiness that you may feel. Experience it. Embrace it. You will notice that after some time the breakup will become easier because you no longer emotionally depend on your ex.

If you happened to have to face your ex for example due to work or if you have children together, try to avoid having emotional conversations. Stay to the point, be professional and non-emotional. Just be civil and polite with each other. No need to create more pain and damage through argumentation. Stop unnecessary conversations that will only make it more difficult for both of you to move on with your lives.

If you decide to stay friends after the breakup, make sure that you both had enough time to heal. No contact until you have broken free from the emotional hurt is the wisest. You will know when you are ready when you can be happy for your ex to have a new partner in his or her life.


#3 Retrieve your energy from your ex and return the energy that belongs to your ex

Breakup analysis yin yang symbol retrieve your energy from your ex - Happy Conscious Living

There obviously was a reason why you guys broke up. Now stick to that reason. This relationship was just no longer healthy for neither of you and now is the time to get back to yourself. Throughout the relationship you have exchanged a lot of energy together – especially when you were sexually involved with each other.

This exchange has intertwined your energy together. This is initially what has brought you two closer on so many levels. But when you break up, it’s like somebody has just ripped the unified ball of energy in half. This means a part of your energy is in the half of your ex. And the energy of your ex is in your half.

This is why we feel incomplete for a while after the break up. Your broken pieces are still in the energy field of your ex! It’s imperative for your healing to retrieve your energy that belongs to you and to return the energy of your ex.

To retrieve your energy from your ex and to return the energy that belongs to your ex, you can do this simple exercise:

Step 1

Place yourself in a comfortable position. Sitting or lying down.

Step 2

Close your eyes and visualise you and your ex standing in front of each other.

Step 3

Visualise your energy field and see how your energies are mixed together.

Step 4

Now we come to the most important part. It will require to use the power of your mind. Do this exercise for as long or as many times as you need:

With every breath you breathe in, visualise how you are taking back your energy that is currently still in your ex’ energy field. You do this with the power of your mind. With every breath you breathe out, imagine you are returning the energy of your ex to his or her energy field.

Continue doing this until you feel whole again and feel you have claimed back all your energy that belongs to you and you returned all the energy that belongs to your ex.


#4 Forgive your ex for the hurt done unto you

I understand. You are upset, you are angry, frustrated, down, may be even depressed. Feeling an overload of emotions all at the same time. This is normal. You are grieving… But there comes a time that it’s time to move on. Staying angry and upset forever won’t do anyone any good. But more importantly, you are making yourself suffer more than necessary. When you feel you are ready to finalise the closure between you and your ex, it’s time to forgive…

Forgiveness is the most powerful way to let go of the past. You can be happy again right now, in this very moment. If you CHOOSE to do so. If you do not forgive, you will hold on to painful memories until you are ready to forgive. So really, forgiveness is for YOURSELF! If we decide not to forgive, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. But we both know, that it’s YOU who is suffering the most at the end…

It is really up to you, to take control over your own life again. Grief, forgive, let go and move on. Better things are waiting for you to come. Don’t sabotage your own happiness. It is your birth right to be happy 🙂


#5 Forgive yourself for the hurt you have caused unto your ex

Just as important, it is imperative to forgive yourself for the hurt you have caused your unto ex. We all know that we are no saints. We have played our part in causing pain and suffering unto the other. To free yourself from any guilt you might have, forgive yourself…

#6 Take responsibility for why the relationship didn’t work out

A breakup is painful not just for yourself but for your ex as well. Especially if it was a long-term relationship with an outlook on a happy-ever-after future together. But it’s important to take your part of responsibility for why the relationship didn’t work out. It’s easy to blame others for your unhappiness. But at the end of the day, whatever has happened in your life is the outcome of your own personal deeds and actions.

It might be a bit confronting. I understand. You have your pride. But you will not be able to have a (new) successful relationship until you have recognised the mistakes you have made on your end.


#7 Become whole and happy before you move on to the next relationship

A mistake a lot of people make in relationships is that we look for the other person to complete us and to make us feel happy. This is one of the reasons why a lot of relationships don’t work out. We are not meant to seek completion outside of ourself. It will never work. Because if your happiness depends on another person and that person will be gone some day, so will your happiness (which is truly his or her happiness that you enjoyed while he or she was in your life).

Therefore it is so important to be completely emotionally independent and to first find that wholeness and happiness with and within yourself before you move on to the next relationship. If you rush too quickly into a new relationship before you have found peace and completion within yourself, you will carry over your wounds, scars and problems to the next relationship. It is then bound for that relationship to fall apart too, because to have someone in our life to make you happy is never the answer or solution to our problems and unhappiness that we may feel.

You are the only person that can make yourself feel whole and complete. You are the only person that can make you feel truly happy. Your partner is only meant to add to your happiness. So together you can share and multiply your abundance of happiness.

So work on yourself. Develop yourself. Make yourself feel whole again before you decide to share your happiness with a new life partner again.


#8 Bless your ex with a new happy life without you

I know, it’s difficult. Especially when you still love your ex. But it is important to bless your ex with a new happy life without you. There is a Hawaiian philosophy that says to bless what you want. And according to the Law of Karma, whatever you send out, will come back to you. So if you can be happy for your ex, happiness will gladly come into your life when you are ready to receive it.

If you still love your ex, then this is a good test for you. How unconditional is your love? If your love is unconditional, then you would be able to let your ex go – especially if you know that this is the best for him or her. If you can’t do this, it’s time to recognise that your ex was filling up a void of emptiness inside you. You have become emotionally dependant or perhaps you depend for other reasons on your ex (e.g. financial reasons).

If you feel you can’t bless your ex or if you are even at the point where you actually want your ex to suffer (or his/her new partner) it’s time to understand that, you are only deceiving yourself. You are depriving yourself from being happy in your own life as long as you can’t bless your ex with a new happy life without you.

#9 Focus on what you’ve gained from this relationship

Focus on what you’ve gained from this relationship – not what you have lost. Our mind has a tendency to focus on all the bad and the negative that is happening. But try to see the difficulties in your life as a blessing in disguise. When you focus on what you’ve gained from this relationship, it will become easier to deal with the pain from the breakup. Don’t they say:

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

So accept the amazing opportunity to build on the lessons this relationship has given you. Don’t make the same mistake twice. This relationship has taught you so much about yourself. Now use this experience to improve yourself and to really grow into the best possible version of yourself. Don’t be afraid of opening your heart again. Some day you will meet that special someone and you will understand why all your previous relationships didn’t work out. Just prepare yourself as well as you can for that wonderful person to enter your life.

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